We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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