i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize