chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
