this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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