Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize