in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
