your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
