i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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