Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
