Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
