Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
