You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
