i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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