I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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