YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
