ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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