just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
