i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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