Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We have so much sex to catch up on
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize