see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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