no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
