We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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