Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Welp...herpes.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
