Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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