I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
