She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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