I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
