He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
