I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
