4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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