Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
