..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
