Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
