Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
