im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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