I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
