I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
