I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
