I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
