i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The beer is more important than you right now.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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