so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
