Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
