dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
