worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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