I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
