now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
