and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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