oh god the rape fog is back!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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