Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
