Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
