Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
