so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
