The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
