The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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