So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
