so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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