Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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