if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
