Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
