and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
