Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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