Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
