even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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