roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize