Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
