so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
