My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you had me at cake vodka
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
