is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
