"it" just moved
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
