He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
