you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
