you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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