I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
