I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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