The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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