I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
